Love Thy Neighbor is what happens when a bunch of soap opera actors decide to write, direct, and star in their own indie production, not content with their soap-check and more than certain they've got what it takes to slap together a worthwhile motion picture.

Stick with the soaps, kids.

Writer/director Nick Gregory, co-writer Kirk Aanes, and Love Thy Neighbor leading lady Jennifer Bransford have resumés packed with credits like General Hospital, Loving, Another World, One Life to Live, and All My Children, so who better to construct an aggressively mindless and self-important pseudo-comedy about the ways in which spouses commit adultery ... with their best friends ... and then do it again...? Or something.

Frankly I couldn't keep track of who was shtupping who in Love Thy Neighbor, mainly because it's the only topic of discussion in the whole sorry affair, but also because, after spending six minutes with the four main characters, I absolutely could not care less. Let 'em all screw each other in a school bus flying over a cliff for all I care; at least I can stop listening to their incessant yammering.

Plot in a nutshell: Tammy, Chuck, Jack, and Molly are married folks and good pals. Jack wants to sleep with Tammy, I think, and Molly just wants Chuck to be a good husband ... maybe. Basically, when these four idiots aren't falling into bed with one another, they're discussing sex, arguing about sex, and stressing out about sex. If ever there were a surefire cure for Horny, it'd be a dinner party with these guys. Eventually this one cheats on that one, and the other one doesn't know until she considers maybe cheating, too...

Meanwhile, a few strangely familiar faces (Wallace Shawn, Roy Scheider, Scott Wolf, Jake Weber) wander around the periphery, the mystery of their cameo appearances in an indie this painful more entertaining than the actors, the screenplay, or the Love Thy Neighbor story. It's all just a bunch of self-obsessed "candid" sex talk; the movie feels like you're eavesdropping on four of the shallowest people you've ever met.

The DVD

Video: It's a flat and fuzzy full frame transfer.

Audio: Dolby Digital 5.1 or 2.0, with optional Spanish subtitles.

Extras: Filmographies and a trailer.

Final Thoughts

There's a reason this 2002 misfire is only now appearing on DVD, and I guess it's because Roger Corman owed somebody a favor. Love Thy Neighbor is the sort of movie that's probably pretty entertaining to the people who made it, but are you one of those people?

Me neither.