"Hair is a form of expression, especially in the black community," we are told by a voiceover narrator early on in The Salon. The narrator, a beauty shop owner played by Vivica A. Fox, later informs us that a salon is a "microcosm of society." Hmm. Such aphorisms might well be true, but they also make clear that The Salon has all the subtlety of a burr haircut.

The alleged comedy is written and directed by Mark Brown, whose Barbershop in 2002 covered very similar thematic ground, and did a much better job of it. At any rate, that earlier film looks like Rashomon compared to this talky and painfully preachy mess.

Fox is a luminous actress, but here she is wasted as Jenny, a single mother and proprietor of a salon in inner-city Baltimore. Unbeknownst to Jenny's employees and regular customers, she is fighting to save the shop from being demolished by the city, which plans to replace the building with a municipal parking lot. That tired storyline is the excuse for Brown to populate Jenny's salon with equally tired stereotypes who spend the day dishing on everything from corporal punishment (or, as a character points out, "spanking" if you're white and "whuppin'" if you're black) to Halle Berry's Oscar win for Monster's Ball.

Granted, The Salon doesn't purport to offer the wit of Noel Coward, but this is just plain cringingly bad dialogue. The cast of caricatures includes a sassy black female hairdresser, gold digging tramp, flaming gay guy, street wino, nasty pimp and no-good boyfriend (Terrence Howard in a blink-and-you'll-miss-him role). And the banter they engage in is just as dull. The African-American women in the shop muse about how white women have flat asses and attract black men by being docile and subservient. "We live in the same country, but culturally we're completely different," says one black stylist, just in case you miss the movie's clever subtext.

Then there is the gay hairdresser who, after being attacked by gangbangers, bemoans the bigotry of gay-marriage bans and the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy. But don't mistake this for being too enlightened a film. This same character also quips that prison is "paradise" for homosexuals.

Alternately dumb and heavy-handed, The Salon is a bore. Why Vivica Fox chose to star in it -- much less co-produce it -- is beyond my understanding.

The widescreen picture, presented in 1.85:1 aspect ratio, is of terrific quality. Lines are sharp, colors are bold and skin tones are realistic.

The 5.1 Dolby Digital is clear but unremarkable. Subtitles are available in English, Spanish and French.

A merciful God has decreed none.

Supercuts is funnier. And smarter.